my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
There r osticjed everywhere
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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