I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
