Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
