Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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