Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
