Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
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I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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