just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
