I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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