I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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