just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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