i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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