I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
