he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
