hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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