i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
