there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
