You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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