The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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