I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
