I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
