I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
