Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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