just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
