ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
