White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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