i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Randomize
