I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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