I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
