There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
