I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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