I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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