I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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