Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
