I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
