I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
