it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
