Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
