I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
