Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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