she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
