I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
