ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
