Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
