i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
