I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
