Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
