guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
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If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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