She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
