Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
