god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
