hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
