A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
