I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
