Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
