Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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