I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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