I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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