I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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