the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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