your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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