omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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