Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
