Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
