Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
