we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
