Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
