I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
