his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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