i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
