apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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