Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
farters have to be the big spoon...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
