you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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