the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
