i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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