1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
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