My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
